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Raising Children While Daddy's Away
by: Kim Fasser |
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Deployment...TDY (temporary duty)...I used to dread the
sound of those terms. I still do, but not quite so much as it's become such a
part of my life as an Air Force wife these past 26 years! There are 7 children
in our family, & all of them have grown up as "military brats" as the saying
goes. (Not sure how much being military has made them "brats", but then again
it's not "supposed" to be a derogatory term so much as a "label" to signify
children of military parents!)
My older 4 are all grown & out on their own. The oldest
daughter, has served both in the Air Force & the Montana Army National Guard.
She was (& still is) a Blackhawk helicopter mechanic & did a year in Iraq. The
2nd oldest is married to an Air Force enlisted member. The 3rd daughter is NOT
in the military...yet! The 4th child (also a daughter) just recently joined
the MT Army National Guard & is going through the ROTC program at the
University of Montana at Missoula. Guess it's in their blood!
Military life is the only thing I've known as well. I
graduated at 17 & joined the AF myself, married military and have been around
it since. The separation that inevitably comes along is almost too much to
bear at first...in the beginning...before you learn coping skills. It's almost
a physical ache; a loneliness that most American families thankfully don't
have to endure. It's hard on both parents, but for the parent left behind,
there is an added stressor. They have to keep their fears & concerns to
themselves as they have to be strong for the children. Not that discussing
feelings with the children isn't a good idea. Not at all...I believe
communicating is the ONLY way to endure a separation. However, I don't
believe the children to have to "support" the parent. There are support
groups available specially equipped for families & parents whose father /
spouse is deployed. There are activities for the kids and childcare so parents
can take a break. Technology too, has come a long way since I joined, and now
computers and webcams help families stay connected.
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That’s what we're depending on now. My husband is once
again TDY for 4 months. With just the 3 younger children left at home, (2
boys aged 10 & 7 & their youngest sister, aged 4.) I'm finding things just a
bit different than before. I'm used to having ALL my children around me, even
if it were down the road or a little further out of town. It never felt like
the older 4 were out of the house, as we were able to see each other daily.
Since we've PCS'd (permanent change of station) / moved from Montana to
Washington last year, our family has been scattered farther apart than ever
before. Now, with Bill AND the girls gone...it's the TDY AND empty nest
syndrome all rolled up into one!
Thankfully, our Catholic faith is strong & helps in
ways nothing else can. I also rely on the phone & computer to keep in touch
with ALL of my family. I / we can type and talk at the same time...and it
helps. Keep the routine as normal as possible helps as well. It gives the
children a sense of security, a sense of normalcy, and frankly, it helps me
too!
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